Wanted: A Size-specific Spouse and After-life Assurances
It Happens Only in India!
Babulal Jatav was at the end of his tether—his buffalo beauty wasn’t holding up her end of the bargain. Her ‘refusal’ to be milked drove Jatav to his wit’s end, and he sought recourse in law enforcement. Convinced that she was under a spell, Jatav lodged a complaint at the Nayagaon police station, MP. Rather than dismiss the troubled man and his claims of voodoo, the station-in-charge did the next best thing: He dispensed some veterinary advice, which we’re happy to report worked like magic. Jatav now has a firm grasp on his cow and her udders.
Who doesn’t love a big, fat Indian wedding—decibel-defying music, fireworks, dancing and a marching brass band— you ask? Ranjit Kumar Parida, a poultry farmer from Odisha, we hear, isn’t a fan. Losing 63 of his chickens to wedding revelry—a vet confirmed that the birds fell prey to fatal heart attacks—Parida cited the heart-thumping music being cranked out by a wedding party crossing his farm as the killer. The wedding organizers refused to offer compensation, so Parida sought police action, but the cops played peacemaker, helping the warring parties reach a happy, noiseless reconciliation.
Don’t Stop Believing
UP priest Lekh Singh was distraught. He hadn’t just let the Lord down, he had broken His arm while giving his idol of Laddu Gopal—the childhood avatar of Lord Krishna—a bath. Reduced to tears, this believer turned not to prayer, but the marvel of modern medicine to heal the divine. Rushing to the district hospital, along with a few locals, Singh wailed at the hospital staff insisting that his idol needed emergency medical attention. The hospital, after some protest, registered the patient under the name ‘Shri Krishna’ and bandaged the broken appendage. Guess the Almighty, just like us, gets by with a little help from our friends, and the friendly neighbourhood doctor.
Size her up
Seeking a mate through advertisements, isn’t quite the ode to romance but, the truth is, few eyes would widen at the patriarchal precision provided to guide a man’s search for a bride on matrimonial websites. But, folks! Hearteningly there is a bar on how much is too much. Listing oddly specific physical measurements, one ad on Betterhalf.ai sought a bride who must be “5 foot 2 to 6 inches, 47 to 52 kgs, 32B to 32C, size 12 to 16 (waist) and size 6 to 7 (feet)”, and must dress “80 per cent casual”. The groom-to-be sought a meeting of minds as well, identifying his potential mate’s required political convictions. Nothing fancy, merely an ideological unicorn who is both “conservative” and “liberal”. We wish the discerning gentleman good luck through what promises to be a fairly long wait.
With elections in several Indian states around the corner, ‘tis the season for campaign promises! Voters know that politicians during poll season are afflicted with a dangerous disease of making promises they rarely keep. But the hyperbole meter shot through the roof, when Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) leader and Delhi CM, Arvind Kejriwal claimed if we voted for AAP, he would ensure that our life in this world and the next would transform for the better. With life on the planet being what it is, we understand the lure of a bright afterlife, but perhaps the old prayer-and-penance route to heaven might be a surer bet.
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