The World's Dumbest Criminals
Crime never pays, especially if it’s planned badly.
WHAT WAS HE SMOKING?
This one is ‘high’ up on the list of daft criminals. According to Bengaluru’s Susheel Kumar Moosad, prisons are for rapists, thieves and murderers. Correct. The former techie also firmly believed prisons are not for those who “smok[e] a plant that makes them happy”. As proof of his theory, he sold cannabis, along with an assortment of hallucinogens, on his subtly named Facebook page: Bangalore Cannabis. Here he had posted pictures of himself smoking pot. A good time as any to recall that the possession and consumption of narcotic and psychotropic drugs are illegal in India. The self-assured Moosad had also helpfully provided his contact details on his page. The cops got the peddler’s 16-year-old high down in a jiffy when they posed as customers and lured him into a trap. He had been obviously smoking some good stuff himself!
Two cheeky college students found a pug in an open crate in the compound of a house in Chennai’s Ambattur. Overcome either by a sudden bout of cuteness from Maya, the four-month-old pup, or imagining themselves to be shrewd criminals who could make a neat profit from her, they decided to grab the crate and take off. Maya is normally indoors, but that day she was put out. The closed-circuit TV footage revealed the culprits, upon which the family filed a police complaint.
Imagine their shock when they found Maya in not one but two ads on OLX. The pup was put up for a distress sale, at half the ‘market value’, by the novice lawbreakers. When the family turned up to claim Maya, they found the culprits were too lazy (or broke) to even change her collar! The dazed boys were nabbed but later released.
OPEN YOUR MOUTH—HA, HA, HA!
Our elders may be on to something when they tell us to open our mouths only when necessary. Manjunath, 30, a serial thief and murder convict, found out the hard way—while already in prison. Adept at evading cops, he managed to give them the run for six years until he was finally nabbed and jailed in Bengaluru’s central prison. The police were left scratching their heads after failing to find his loot though.
There was an unexpected breakthrough after Manjunath got into a scuffle with an old partner-in-crime jailbird, who recognized him. He bore a grudge against Manjunath for not giving him his share of spoils. As the fight escalated, the whereabouts of the stash spilt out.
George Clooney’s heist in Ocean’s 11 unfortunately could not be recreated in rural Bengaluru’s Nelamangala taluk—for reasons that are … well, embarrassing. Last year, thieves broke into the house of an industrialist in Arisinakunte village, who was away with his family. They first poisoned the pet dog, and afterwards, proceeded to loot Rs 3 lakh and 400 grams of gold jewellery. When the homeowners returned and discovered a trashed home, they called the cops. A search of the premises led to the discovery of a mobile phone, which didn’t belong to anyone in the family. Turns out one of the thieves had forgotten his phone—an inadvertent calling card that is bound to ruin his promising career!
Quick-gun Murugan he clearly was not. Bhavesh Sudarshan Lekhak walked into a bank in Mumbai’s Nariman Point at 9:40 a.m., fully intent on robbing it. Wielding a gun, the 35-year-old grabbed the watchman and ordered everyone else to hit the floor. He then rushed towards the cashier and commanded her to hand over the cash in the teller machine, while yelling at a visitor to down the bank’s shutters. Soon, however, the po-po, alerted by the branch manager, rushed in and busted the ‘gunman’. It turned out that this filmi drama was entirely unnecessary as Lekhak, an unemployed electrical engineer, was waving around a toy gun. This was his plan: Rob. A. Bank. With. A. Toy. Gun. Let’s just say, he overshot his hand.