25 Lessons That Last A Lifetime

Today Is the First Day of Your Future

I was considering going back to school for my master’s degree but was put off by the fact that it would take me six years—one course a quarter—to do it. I just happened to read an advice column, and the person writing in was pondering getting a degree. The columnist offered this advice: “Four years from now, where will you be? You can have a degree and a better job or be still doing the same thing and wishing you had the degree.” I enrolled that day and six years later graduated with a master’s.

—From Marilyn Clark, Florida

Reclaim your Power

I have had a difficult childhood; with damages I haven’t yet recovered from. On a tipsy night during my University days, a dear friend asked me innocently why I was so vehemently averse to dating. This friend, had recently found ‘love’ and was smitten by the idea of romantic partnerships. When I shared my past with him, he held my hands and said, “You were a child and powerless then. Now, you have the ability to reclaim that power—wield it, enjoy it.” What he said was such a different response to what I had expected and what I had gotten from others over the years—this left an indelible effect on me. While I am still on the path to recovery, I do feel empowered each time I choose to assert my stance even if the matter might seem inconsequential to others, or at the cost of annoying a friend by saying ‘no’. And, while I am still overly anxious about my future, I will have a doctorate degree in a few weeks, I have a loving partner and friends who keep me close despite my hangups. 

—From Anuradha Sinha, New Delhi

Skip the Stupid

As a child, I did many stupid things. After one such amazingly dumb stunt—trying to parachute out of my second-story bedroom window using a bedsheet as the parachute and landing rather hard on the lawn below—my father stood over me, looked down, and said, “Son, you’re going to have enough chances in life you don’t want to take, so don’t take any chances you don’t have to take.” I quit taking stupid chances.

—From David Kunkel, Washington

Judge Not

I heard a quote from the Joyce Meyer Ministries that I live by and has changed my life: “You never have enough information to judge anybody.” How many times have we assumed something about someone and didn’t know all the facts?

—From Lori Sampson, New Jersey

It’s OK to Hurt

After I miscarried my first baby at four months, I was devastated. All I heard from everyone was you can have another baby, get over it, time heals all wounds, etc. My mother had the best advice. She said, “Honey, time does heal all wounds, but remember that a scar will remain. All you need to do is take your finger and gently rub that scar. That will be the link to your baby, and you will know that love is all around you.” Mom let me know that I wasn’t going crazy missing my baby. My mom had the experience of losing not one child but two. Her second child (18 months old) died in her arms on the way to the hospital, and the next day she miscarried her third baby. I was her fourth baby.

—From Lois Schyvinck, Wisconsin

Criticize in Quiet

As a newly minted chief in the Coast Guard Reserve, I must have said something uncomplimentary to another Coastie. Immediately, a soft voice over my shoulder said, “Criticize in private and praise in public.” An older, wiser chief had given me the best leadership advice I ever received—in private.

—From Calvin Krefft, Georgia

Winning Isn’t Everything

I was a young newlywed struggling with marital issues that seemed huge at the time (though in reality they weren’t). So I called my dad for help. My wise father said 13 words that changed my life. He said, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” Those 13 words became sort of a personal mantra for me and have served me well in many aspects of my life. And 16 years later, I am still happily married to that same man.

—From Olivia Lowry Cook, Idaho

Seize the Day

When I was 20, I asked my little Italian grandmother whether I should marry a girl she liked very much. She would not give me a yes or no answer but rather said, “Somea time, you go to the store and you see something butta you no buy. Then, you go back, and itsa gone.” That was 40 years ago. Since then there have been two beautiful daughters and two wonderful grandchildren. Thanks, Grandma.

—From Bob Scherer, New York

Clear a Path to the Door

My grandmother told me to “clear a path to the door every night before bed.” It makes for a smooth escape if there’s ever a fire in the night. But “clearing a path to the door” came, in time, to mean so much more. I learnt I’ll be much happier tomorrow if I tidy the clutter tonight. And it’s a good habit when getting involved with new people or activities. Trying mountain climbing or whitewater rafting becomes possible when I know I have a safe exit plan if it gets too risky. That “clear path” is always a wise plan.

—From Glynda Hamilton, Vancouver

Silence Your Inner Critic

While learning to paint landscapes with my boyfriend, I complained that I couldn’t turn off the critic in my head. He told me, “When that happens to me, I say ‘Be quiet, I’m painting here. I’ll talk to you later.’ ” It worked for me that day, and later in graduate school while I was writing papers. His advice made me a more confident person.

—From Kate Johnson, Conway

Bring the Ball

My family moved to a small Virginia football town when I was in fourth grade. I loved football, but I had three strikes against me. I was the “new kid,” from “up north” and—gasp—“a girl.” When I came home from school dejected that nobody would let me play, my mother said, “If you want to play football, you bring the ball.” By next season, if you wanted me on your team, you had to take my little brothers too. I never forgot the lesson. I’ve been “bringing the ball” ever since.

—From Jacqueline Travers, Maryland

Curb Your Appetite

“Don’t have a champagne appetite on a beer pocketbook.” That was my dad’s mantra. He had been well-to-do early in life but hadn’t changed his spending when he wasn’t any longer. Fortunately, I have a beer appetite.

—From Mike Fleischmann, Colarado

Know When to Go

I was on a four-day float trip down the Colorado River with a large, fun group. At the end, when I said I didn’t want to get off the river, another woman said to me, “It’s always best to leave while you’re still having fun.” It changed my outlook that day, and I’ve applied it to many other circumstances since.

—From Maren Hirschi, Utah

Nowhere To Go But Up

In my final year of PhD research, I was lagging behind in writing my thesis. I had a plan, the data, literature, initial drafts and a growing pile of scattered notes. It was now about putting pen to paper. Yet I was scared to start, because I wanted it to be perfect. One day, a friend asked me, “If you start writing, what’s the worst thing that can happen?” I wanted to retort with all the reasons and counterfactuals I had in my head but suddenly every answer seemed silly. Her question changed something in me. Since then, I’ve submitted my thesis, switched jobs and moved to a new city. I began to keep my friend’s words close to my heart and this question became a sort of guiding light, helping me take more chances at life!

—From Sanskriti Rajkhowa, Mumbai

Don’t Impress, Express

My choir was stressed before a big competition. Right before our turn to sing, our choir director said, “We are not here to impress; we are here to express.” It made all the difference.

—From Shawn Mecham, Utah

Make a Home That You Love

“Fill your home with things you love, not things you think other people will love.” That was something my mom always said. My home is full of flowers, rabbits, birds, nature, lovely fabrics and elegant glassware. Others tell me it’s beautiful, comfortable and welcoming. But everything in it brings me joy, and that’s what matters.

—From Becca Brasfield, Tennessee

Give a Gift to a Giver

A co-worker gave me a Christmas gift and I felt bad because I hadn’t gotten one for her. She said, “Every time you receive a gift, you allow someone to be a giver.” She made me feel so good and I never forgot that.

—From Cathy Beck, Arizona

See the Work

My mom was a woman of few words, but one phrase of hers that stuck was “see the work,” which meant see what needs to be done without being told. If toys are left out, put them away. If dishes are being washed, grab a towel and dry. If litter is strewn along the road, pick it up as you walk. I’ve shared “see the work” with countless students, and our halls are always clean and the chairs stacked by the end of the day.

—From Wendy Baures, Wisconsin

To Each Their Own

When I was 16, I moved from an all-girls school to a co-ed one, and began facing unexpected romantic attention from a classmate, whom I had only thought of as a dear friend. One day I found myself discussing the age-old trope of opposite-sex friendships with an older friend, during which he said something that still resonates with me today: “Your actions, however natural to you, don’t consider the other person’s worldview or why he is unable to see things your way”. I was struck by how narrow-minded I had been, as if my way of thinking was the only one that mattered. No two people are alike—we are all shaped and perhaps, sometimes, limited by our lived experiences—but being aware that others have their own way of seeing the world has allowed me to build connections that are driven by empathy, even in times of stiff disagreement.

—From Naorem Anuja, Greater Noida

Keep Moving Forward

Several years ago, I heard actress Doris Roberts give a speech in which she said, “Look back, but don’t stare.” She had many words of wisdom that night, but that stuck with me and never left.

—From Liz Hormel, California

Make Time to Do It Right

“If you don’t have time to do it right the first time, how are you going to find time to do it over?” Advice from my 91-year-old dad that I’ve shared with my daughter and granddaughter.

—From Sharon Price, Alabama

Keep an Eye on a Cloud

Ever since I was a child, I would get badly carsick. The waves of dizziness and nausea were so intense that I would barely be able to lift my head. The only thing that would help was my dad’s advice to look at something far away—it could be anything as long as it was as far away from me as possible. So I’d stare out the window and keep my eyes on a tree or a house or even a cloud in the sky. Something about the stillness of that far point helped control the motion sickness and I would be able to make it till our nearest pitstop without incident. Funnily enough, he gave me that same bit of advice when I was facing a period of chaos and instability in my life. Overwhelmed by conflicting emotions, loyalties, obligations and options, I was paralyzed by doubt and fear. But when my dad reminded me to “keep an eye on a cloud,” I knew what he meant. As long as I focussed on the things that were ‘far away’—a future goal or a dream job, say—I’d find the inner calm I need to tackle any problem.

—From Ishani Nandi, New Delhi

Habits Are like Cobwebs

Advice from my grandfather: “Habits are like cobwebs that turn into cables. They can hold you up or hold you down.”

—From Kirk Goebel, New Mexico

Don’t Be Too Quick to Judge

My Mississippian mother used to tell me, “You can’t tell the depth of the well by the length of the handle on the pump.” I think this must be the Mississippi version of “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

—From Sarah Jane Garner, Alaska